Wednesday, September 12, 2012

"Calm my anxious heart"

I am reading an amazing book right now called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I am learning so much about my faith and trusting God regardless of the circumstances. My wonderful friend Meg had given me this book last week to read. I had started it but with the baby being sick and preparing for his party I hadn't dug much more into it than the first chapter. The devil certainly places anxiety and fear in my heart as a way to prevent me from focusing on God. The devil tries to distract me from keeping my eyes towards the One who is in control. This past nearly two weeks where Preston has been sick has been absolutely exhausting, but beyond that in these last few days I have started getting anxious. Wondering about if there is something very serious wrong with him, or if he has some type of malabsorption issue, or the scariest thing I have thought is what if he has an immune deficiency too like Sam and he just can't get over this by himself.... That is something I have thought multiple times in the past, and then I start comparing him to Sophia, who was NEVER sick, and Sam who was ALWAYS sick, and then there is Preston who is ALWAYS sick. And then that anxiety creeps in and makes me start thinking about the what if's of IVIG and the repercutions of an immune deficiency. But as I am reading this book I am reminded about CHOOSING to keep the focus on God, and remembering that HE is the author of the book of our lives and that HE knows the outcome regardless of what we choose to do in any given situation. He doesn't need our help, He has the perfect plan for our lives. We just need to trust Him and let him lead us and calm us in the trials of our lives. I am just so blessed to be reading this book as I am struggling with my back injury and the "what if's" that come along with that as well as this seemingly endless illness that Preston is fighting. Some verses shared in what I read today: I Timothy 6:15 the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master over all masters. This is an excerpt from the book Calm my anxious heart, about this verse "Who controls my life? God. What kind of controller is He? Blessed. In the words of a well known theologin J.I. Packer, "Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand whatHe sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good." Psalm 16:5 Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup: you have made my lot secure. So tonight as I struggle to rest, with this very sick baby on my hands, and a trip to the doctor in the AM, I am praying for my focus to be on God and on His will for our lives, knowing that His will is perfect for each of us, and that all I need to do is trust in Him.

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