Sunday, August 18, 2013

9 days old

I can't believe Miss Paisley is all ready nine days old! It is so nice to be here and be able to spend time with her. I decided that I desperately needed to be at church today. I unfortunately started having a lot of issues while at church and had to leave early :-( It was nice to be there for a little while though. I can't wait to be back with my church family worshipping together corporately. Another baby named Alexander was transferred from another NICU today. He is right next to Paisley. His mom and I have really hit it off. We were both lamenting about having multiple preemies and how hard it is. She has now had three preemies and I have had four. We both are nurses and both Christians. It has been so nice sharing my feelings with someone who truly understands. I know that it wasn't really my fault in my head that I couldn't carry Paisley to term but I still feel like a failure. I so desperately wanted to have a baby that I could hold immediately after birth, a baby I could nurse immediately, a baby that could stay in the room with me. These are all things that are hard to acknowledge will never happen for me. Don't get me wrong, with all the risk factors and that doctors saying she was so at risk of dying, I know that I am incredibly blessed and am so thrilled that she is here.... It is hard hearing people complain about how uncomfortable they are, or "you are so lucky you don't have to be pregnant that long..." And I want to say "you are so lucky, you get to hold your baby right away, feed your baby right away and take your baby home with you." You don't have to ASK permission to touch or care for your baby you don't have to leave the hospital completely heartbroken as she walk away from this baby you so desperately prayed for.... Anyways I am really enjoying having someone to talk to who understands the repeated disappointed of having another preemie... The cool thing is is that her older children are Sam and Sophia's ages and that they live really close. I think we will be good friends :-) My mom, sister and great friend Stephanie came to visit Miss Paisley today. I didn't get any pictures of them with her though.... But it was so nice to see them. It is so fun getting Paisley dressed. I love getting those little uncoordinated newborn smiles. Our church has a ministry called the prayer shawl ministry. These wonderful ladies get together and make the prayer shawls together and while they are sewing them they pray over the recipient. Paisley received her "prayer blankie" today :-) So blessed!!!

1 comment:

  1. I ca so relate to this post....all 3 of my kids went to special care and I was heart-broken each and every time. I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby, nurse my baby and take care of my baby....not have to wait for the "okay" to do these things!

    BUG HUGS to you!