God has really been speaking to my heart in the last month or so.... It has been so easy to get stressed out and anxious about all that is going on with this handsome little guy of mine....
But as I have kept giving him back to God and focusing on the blessing He has given us God keeps reminding me of the past two plus years...
- when I was 19wks pregnant with Preston the doctor's words "the baby is not viable, so we will be saving you." And my Pastor just showing up in the midst of that situation and praying with me, and the peace God gave me...
- the anxiety I had about the preganancy and being put on bedrest and not being able to work, and God allowing me to work until four days before P was born.
-the computor that showed up on our door step when we were in desperate need of one, with no strings attached
-when Sam got his eosinophilic colitis diagnosis, being so overwhelmed, and having an amazing friend start helping me with the research process of cooking for him, and then stocking some things in my freezer for him
-the seemingly endless need of help with the kids when there are doctors appointments, IVIG, back issues, etc etc and there seems to always be someone available
- the wonderful past year in which our Auntie TeeTee got to be with us unexpectedly.
-the finances have been tight and for some reason (GOD!) my MIL sent home a bag of treats with Matt one night after church. She had no idea that I was anxious because I didn't have snacks to pack in Sam's lunch for school the next day and couldnt get any groceries for two more days.... And she has continued to bless us with snacks! It has been so wonderful
-I have been sad with my siblings moving away, sad that my kids wouldn't have all their aunts and uncles around, but I am praising God that He has filled that need with some wonderful Christian aunties and uncles to love and cherish these miracles of mine.
-for the love and support that so many friends and family have shown us over and over and over again.
I have really struggled as a mom with all we have gone through with Preston. It has been so overwhelming going down this road with another child, and realizing I just can't do it. But in every circumstance God has responded that I don't have to and that He will. He has answered prayers before I have uttered them, He has provided before I knew there was a need, He has blessed in amazing ways.
As we continue on this journey with our sick boys, I am reminded over and over and over again of God's love for us, and for His provision in our lives. Even this past august when I hurt my back at work again, I was so upset and frustrated when I started going through the pain and discomfort and inability to care for my kids. The finances are getting tighter. But if I hadn't come out of work then it would have been much more difficult with Preston in the hospital.
I feel like this past couple of years has been a true testimony to the song that Laura Story wrote called "Blessing." One of my favorite verses states:
"Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"
This verse speaks to our life right now. We have had lots of tears, and TONS of sleepless nights:-), but in each and every situation God has shown Himself, in new ways. I am thankful for these trials, for the faith that I am gaining because of them, for the faith my children are gaining because of them. God is carrying us through these life situations and there is no place I would rather be.