Sam's Army birthday

So it took Sam the longest time to determine what type of birthday party he wanted this year. We had interest in legos, in star wars, in dinosaurs, in Army, in super heros, etc etc. Finally he decided he wanted Army like Uncle Dennis. Now mind you it is kind of difficult to make a cake without any dairy, eggs, or flour that contains rice, rye or barley. But my amazing friend found a wonderful recipe on Allrecipe.com and it came out delicious. Everyone ate it and thought it was awesome.

Sam and Sophia really enjoyed the cake and THE FROSTING

My mom made this really cool Shark Attack fruit salad. It was so cool and the kids loved it. They loved the ocean themed types of candy. So fun!

He also wanted S'mores for his party. Again a little difficult to find chocolate that he can have, but I have found dairy free chocolate chips so that is what we used for his S'mores.

It was just a really fun time. We had lots of family and friends and Sam just had a great time hanging out with the people that really care about him and have supported him throughout all the medical craziness these last few years.

Becoming a Mom~ July 13th, 2006

The first time I held Sam I was so sick, I don't actually remember holding him, I remember the devastation of knowing that they were taking him away from me, and that he wasn't healthy enough to not go to the neonatal ICU. I remember feeling that I failed him miserably and that God had given me this miracle and I had failed him. I remember the shear heartbreak of knowing that I hadn't been good enough. This photo still makes me cry. I don't actually remember this moment, but I can feel how heartbroken I was, letting go of this baby that I had carried and prayed for for so long.

And then God stepped in. He gave me peace and hope. He gave me strength to get through the next 24 hours that I wasn't well enough to go see Sam in the NICU. In those hours God was with me. And I believe the memories that I don't have during that time, are the times when God just wrapped me in his arms and allowed rest and peace and healing to flow through my body uninterrupted. I have never blogged about the circumstances surrounding his delivery, or all of the complications and emotions I experienced during that time. I have never blogged about the fact that NOONE here on earth in the medical field gave him a chance at life. I have never blogged about wanting to know what his sex was so that he would have a name before he died. I never talked about these things. And I am ready to share... Prior to my pregnancy with Sam I had a miscarriage. It was absolutely devastating. We hadn't been trying, and were shocked but completely over joyed when we found out. I will never forget the excitement I had going into that first ultrasound, and the heartbreak that I felt when there was no heartbreak. And then I got pregnant with Sam. I found out I was pregnant when I was five weeks along. And I started bleeding at eight weeks. I was absolutely devastated. I ended up having ultrasounds every other day, and would go in each time expecting to not see that tiny little heart fluttering, or the squirmy little jumping bean on the screen. But I did. God allowed him to grow. And for those seventeen weeeks when I was bleeding, God made me a new person. A person who relied on Him, in ways that I never knew I could. And as I got farther along, I started to have small amounts of hope that maybe just maybe this baby would survive. And the I was seventeen weeks, and had to have emergency surgery. I was told that the anesthesia would make me go into labor and that the baby wouldn't survive. I remember being in the ICU after surgery and being in excruciating pain, I remember begging the ICU nurse to try to find the babies heart beat. And I will NEVER EVER forget the sound of that beautiful heartbeat. God had protected this little miracle AGAIN. After that specific incident we really had to find a name for him. We had several names that we really liked. We wanted a name that meant miracle. We couldn't find a name that meant miracle for a boy. Then I kept remember the scripture: I Samuel 1:27 I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.

When Sam was in the NICU, he kept stopping breathing and having low heartrates (apnea and bradycardia). Each time that happened he would earn himself five more days in the hospital. I remember feeling like we were never going to go home.

When we researched the name Samuel, we found that it meant: "God heard", some other meanings that are out there: "requested of God", "God's heart". We totally feel like God heard our cries for our son, and saved him for us. Once we had Samuel, we moved onto the middle name. I still really wanted a name that had a special meaning, but also thought how wonderful it would be to name him after someone who we loved or who inspired us. And so we came up with the middle name of Lee. And the meaning of Lee is "shelter from the storm." And again we feel that God had protected Samuel from the storm of a very complicated pregnancy, a pregnancy in which the devil repeatedly tried to reek havoc on my body and my baby boy. But God sheltered us both. Oh the joy I felt when I got to hold him! It made the severe illness, and the fear, and the sadness just melt away. When I held the proof of God's answered prayers in my arms, my life was forever changed.

There have definitely been some challenges in the last six years, but the blessings have been amazing. I am so blessed and so thankful to call this little boy my son. I have learned to live and laugh and love through all kinds of circumstances. I have had to rely fully on God and to realize that HE always is in control, and that no matter what all will be ok. I am so thankful to have Sam here, and to have the constant reminder that God truly does answer our prayers perfectly.

Scariest most amazing night of my life!

So six years ago today I had a doctors appointment, as I just wasn't feeling all that well. I had some GI symptoms, and when I called Dr V's office, the nurse that was working said that I should come in as I could have pre-eclampsia starting. So I drove myself into her office. I weighed 11lbs more than I had four days prior! My blood pressure was 220/114! The doctor had me lay on my left side and called an ambulance. My blood pressure kept going up. When the ambulance came, they brought me to my local hospital, the hospital where I work. I got to see all my co-workers. They started me on magnesium and it was AWFUL! I felt like I was going to burn up. Once they started the magnesium, and had the catheter, and two IVs in they transferred me to UMass Memorial, as they were better equipped to take care of me, as well as my baby. I got to UMass around 6pm in the evening. I felt horrible. Matt and I didn't know what to expect, but it hadn't been this. As they started checking my labs, and monitoring my vital signs more closely, I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and severe HELLP syndrome. I was given medication to help stop my liver from swelling and to stabilize my blood pressure. I was given medication to put me into labor. My memories of this time are pretty foggy. From the time I got to UMass until Idelivered Sam I don't remember much. But I know that at 12pm on the 13th I was 7cm dilated. And that he was delivered at 12:16!!! 16 minutes from 7cm to fully delivered! I also know that at noon I was in my labor room and that all of a sudden Sam's heart rate dropped into the 50s, and that his umbilical cord came down in front oh his head. So they were rushing me to the OR with someone trying to keep Sam's head from putting pressure on his cord. I deliverd him on the stretcher on the way into the operating room! He had awful apgars, and had to be agressively stimulated to get him going. He weighed 4lb 5oz, and was absolutely gorgeous. As I relive that day I am just reminded of how amazing our God is. He gave me this amazing little boy, who has had so many health struggles, but he has always come out strong. God has always carried him and strengthened him. Going through this life with Sammy, and all of his medical stuff, has strengthened my own faith so much. God truly is a miracle worker and the giver of life. The day I became a mother was the most amazing gift I have ever received. I am so thankful to God for this amazing miracle. There are so many sayings out there that seem so cliche, but truly the day I became a mom was the most amazing day of my life. I am so thankful that I have this little boy and that we can experience the world together. I see hope, strength and courage in his face, as he goes through so much.

Swimming at the Lake

SO we have started Sam on an all natural dietary supplement that they all claim will heal his colitis, and eventually allow him to have all the regular food back in his diet. It sounds pretty far fetched to me, and I am totally skeptical, but it is a vitamin and nutrient cocktail, and so I am willing to try it just to see if it does something. If it doesn't it is a healthy dose of vitamins at the very least for him. So I am praying that it is really helpful. And if so you better believe I will be sharing all about it here. In other news Preston has ANOTHER ear infection:-( Poor little pumpkin. Both ears are pretty inflammed, and we started antibiotics on wednesday night, so he is starting to feel better. He is on zithromax again. We were able to spend some time with my mom and sister, and my nieces and nephew the other day at the lake. The kids had so much fun together. It is really sad because we don't really see our other little cousins that much so I feel bad that my kids won't get to have the super close fun memories like I have with my cousins as much.

My sister Denise, her husband Ron, and their three kids, Davion, Dasanee and Danay are all moving down to North Carolina. It will be so sad not having them around anymore. I am glad that the kids got to play in the water again together before they left

Independance Day Parade

The kids and I went to a parade the other day. It was a huge parade. I was really on the fence about going since Preston had the double ear infection. But decided to go, as long as his fever was down. It was good to get out of the house, and have a change of scenery for all of us. He also got to snuggle with my mom and my wonderful friend Sara so it gave us all a break. The parade was fantastic. It lasted over an hour. There were all kinds of fun things. They even had some animals that really cracked my kids up. Especially the goats that were dressed up like bumble bees:-) There were some fun floats, Soph really liked the barbie car one. There were lots of kids between four adults. We had 12 kids between us. It was certainly busy. But fun! Loved building lots of fun memories with my kids

Happy Independance Day

Just wanted to quickly say Happy Independance Day! We are so proud to be Americans, and feel so blessed to live here. I am so thankful for the military men and women who protect us and keep us safe so we can celebrate days like this. Unfortunately MR P is sick, but praying he feels better really soon. It is no fun to have a fever of 103-104 when it is so hot and sticky out. Poor little guy!

GI Update

Frustrated doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about todays GI appointment. In which the doctor said "I don't really care if he has a bloody nose all the time as long as his belly doesn't hurt..." in regards to the fact that the hematologist recommended taking him off a specific medication that has a known affect on platelets. We stopped that medication (Periactin) a month ago, and since we have stopped the medication he has not had ONE bloody nose, whereas before he was having several a week. So essentially we MAY help his belly but we may also affect his platelets and cause bleeding....I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. That being said I know that this is just small stuff, but to me today it is a big deal. I don't really want to be responsible for giving him medication taht I know affects his platelets, and I don't want to not give him medication that could prevent him from being curled up on the floor in the fetal position with pain. I know that God has all of this in his hands and that Sam will be ok. That God's plans for my little guy are perfect. But I just wish I knew what that plan was. In other news he is 43lb 2oz again! So praise God he is gaining again! And he is almost 48inches tall!!!:-) Preston also had a GI follow up today. We essentially are discharged from GI for Preston! Rejoicing!!!! GI said to slowly introduce dairy and soy on a specific schedule and as long as that all goes well then we don't need to go back. Preston was 18lb 8oz and was 28 1/4inches long!!! Tomorrow is IVIG for Sam so please pray that the IV goes in easily and that there are no reactions I am just so thankful for these two:-)