Hospital:-(

Well this is certainly a post that I didn't expect to have to be writing for several more weeks. Yesterday on the way home from my ultrasound I started feeling absolutely horrible. I started with severe belly pain and cramping, and vomiting and diarrhea. I also then got a headache as well. I called the doctor's office but they were closed. I then called the maternity ward and everyone was concerned because of my history (these were the symptoms that I presented with when I got HELLP syndrome). I got to the maternity ward and thankfully my blood pressure was wonderful.
The nurses called the doctor and told her that I was there. She said that they could send me home, and they mentioned to her how I was hoping that she would do some lab work. She then said that she would do lab work "just to make me happy, but that they would be normal because you can't have HELLP syndrome without high blood pressure." I was beyond livid when I heard this, as this SAME DOCTOR delivered Sophia via c-section because I had HELLP syndrome WITHOUT high blood pressure.
So they did the lab work and my liver studies were elevated:-( This of course changed the doctors whole tune, although it certainly didn't make her any kinder. She came in and essentially said that the baby wasn't viable and therefore if I was developing HELLP the baby was not going to survive and they wouldn't attempt to do anything but save me. Not exactly what I wanted to hear.:-( I was monitored overnight and labs were repeated in the morning. The liver studies looked better so she has let me go home, with instructions to "do as little as possible." But she was unwilling to say that I shouldn't work a 12 hour shift at work! So thankfully we have so many wonderful people to help with Sam and Sophia so I was able to really lay low over the rest of the weekend.
Now I am really concerned about my medical care:-(

21 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 21 Weeks

Doctor: Not scheduled for another three weeks, but I did have a repeat ultrasound today.

Size of baby: Munchkin now weighs about 15 ounces and is around ten and a half inches long, about the size of a carrot:-)


Development: The eyebrows and eyelids are now formed. The gentle nudging that I have felt has led way to more kicks and punches as this little acrobat is actually able to stretch and kick now. And apparently from 10-11:30 at night is his/her favorite time

Sleep: Has become tough this week as my anxiety about complications is starting to arise

What I miss: Nothing really this week

Cravings: Ice cold drinks, water and lemonade are my favorite right now

Weight: Haven't checked this week

Symptoms: heartburn is become an almost nightly occurance

Best Moment this week: I had an ultrasound and got to see how much has changed in just the last few weeks. THe baby was sucking it's thumb, and also it looked like it was picking his/her nose. We are praising God that the baby's heart looks good, as this is why we were having another ultrasound, just to make sure all was ok.

HALF way!!!

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 20 Weeks

Doctor: I saw Dr D. on tuesday. She said everything looked good. I lost another two pounds, but she wasn't concerned with it this time, as I definitely am feeling better and am eating better.

Size of baby: Munchkin now weighs about 10.5 ounces and is around ten inches long, about the size of a banana:-)


Development: The baby is now producing meconium and is practicing swallowing the amniotic fluid.

Sleep: Has become a little irregular this week as when I am laying down I am starting to have heartburn

What I miss: Nothing really this week

Cravings: blueberries.

Weight: I am down another pound this week, for a total of twenty

Symptoms: heartburn is getting a little ridiculous as this week goes on. The sniffling has improved since last week, leading me to believe that it was just allergies

Best Moment this week: I just love hearing the baby's heartbeat. This week when I was at the doctor I heard it for a long time and it was so wonderful. Also this week I have REALLY REALLY felt the baby moving a lot, which makes this feel more real.

Contemplating my options....

I started with urinary tract symptoms on thursday and had the OB office order the urine test to see. When I spoke with them on friday, they said that they would get the results on monday. My response was :you are going to make me wait until monday to treat it?" My mind started thinking about the risks of being pregnant with an infection etc etc....By yesterday I was feeling absolutely horrible. I called OB and they weren't at all concerned since I didn't have a fever. I called my friend and was complaining to her about it. She kept telling me that I should call down to High Risk or call my PCP, I told her that I would depending on how I felt throughout the rest of today.
Thankfully my friend saw my primary today at the hospital and told her how awful I was feeling. So my MD checked my urine and found that I did have a UTI, and she called in an antibiotic for me. So I am so thankful.
In this process though I have really started questioning what I should be doing for the duration of this pregnancy. I am so frustrated with the OB's and their lack of caring or concern. I am not sure I completely trust them to take good care of me. With the multitude of complications that I had with the previous pregnancies, I feel like I need to have a doctor who is proactive and realizes how deathly ill I got with SAm, and how because of good medical care with Sophia that was avoided. I am scared that these doctors don't care enough to make sure the outcome is good.
But on the flip side I don't want to go to a teaching hospital where there is no continuity of care. Where the high risks that I see don't know or understand my whole history because they have never seen me before. I want to know what is going to happen and who is going to take care of me. I don't want to be far away from my kids and family if I have to be in the hospital for a while before the baby is born. I don't want to be so far away that I can't see my kids everyday if I am in the hospital long term. Uggh I don't know what to do??? I keep praying to God to give me direction but I am not sure what the direction is yet. Please pray....

19 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 19 Weeks

Doctor: I see my regular OB next tuesday. I got a letter in the mail this week from the high risk OB with her recommendations of a full pre-E workup now. So I will be talking with Dr D on tuesday about this. I also may have a urinary tract infection so I dropped off a urine sample today and am waiting for te results

Size of baby: Munchkin now weighs about 10.5 ounces and is around ten inches long, about the size of a large tomato:-)


Development: The baby's hearing is really starting to develop this week, and he/she may be able to hear our voices. The baby is starting to develop brown fat, as well as the kidneys are also now producing urine.

Sleep: Sleeping very well this week although I am still feeling tired.

What I miss: Nothing really this week

Cravings: Vitamin Water. AND watermelon, it has been so delicious. I have heard from a lot of people that they didn't have much luck growing watermelon but I am hoping that ours grows well.

Weight: I lost the pound I gained, for a total of 18lbs

Symptoms: Nausea is getting better, praising God for that. Starting to feel a little congested but I am not sure if it is pregnancy related or allergy related.

Best Moment this week: There have been a couple of times where I think I have really felt the baby moving:-)

Disappointment

Goodness, now I know that I am probably a little more sensitive than normal, and a little more emotional than normal, however I am feeling so offended by a certain family member lately. I keep trying to tell myself that it is their loss but I still am sad about it. For the last few months, I have reached out to this person, trying to be friendly trying to be caring and kind. I have sent emails, and tried to talk at church, with no return effort The response when I told this person I was pregnant "Wow that is the last thing I expected you to tell me." And that was it!!! No congratulations and nothing since. The person's spouse has been kind and asked how I am, but not from this person.
In talking with my mom about it I am feeling better, but still disappointed. It is hard when someone professes to be a Christian but acts this way, like they are better than you. My mom essentially said that I shouldn't allow this person to continue to hurt me. That this person essentialy doesn't matter. Be kind, but don't go out of my way. And so today I have decided to LET GO AND LET GOD:-) Baby Surprise and I will share our excitement with the people who want to celebrate with us, and won't bother with the people that don't

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. Today was kind of a hard day. This mother's day is the first since my grandmother has passed away. I knew it would be hard but I didn't realize how much. This morning as I hugged my mom, we both cried. I can't imagine how hard it is for her to not have her mom.
My grandmother was a truly amazing inspirational woman. I am so thankful that I had the priviledge of knowing her for 29 years, and for my children to also know and love her. I miss her so much.
These pictures are from Sophia's dedication in 2008. She was wearing my grandmother's Christening gown from 1924!!! Amazing right? It was so special that my grandmother was able to be with us that day:-) It makes me sad to think that she won't get to know this new little life that I am carrying. That she won't be able to rock him/her and sing to her like she sang to me and to Sam and Sophia. I miss you so much Grammie! Rejoicing in the knowledge that someday I will see you again.

18 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 18 Weeks

Doctor: I went to the high risk OB clinic yesterday, as well as had my ultrasound. I had been so extremely anxious that there was something wrong that I didn't really enjoy the ultrasound. Of course it didn't help that the technician did the ultrasound and then said that she had to go show themto the doctor, and was gone for like 20 minutes!!!! I got more and more anxious as time went on. When she finally came back all she said was that se had brought the ultrasound directly to the high risk OB. So as we are walking over there my anxiety is through the roof. They said what they saw was ok, but they didn't get good views of the heart. So I have to go back. The doctor also made me nervous, and is recommending a full pre-eclampsia workup now. I see my regular OB next week so I will see what her thoughts are.

Size of baby: Munchkin now weighs about 5-7 ounces and is a little more than five and a half inches long, about the size of a pickle:-)


Development: Munchkin can now hear, and senses of smell, taste, site and hearing are developing this week. Bones are beginning ossification, and myelin sheathes are starting to cover nerves.

Sleep: Has been a little better this week, except for Sam is sick and has ended up in our bed a couple of times, so I have ended up on the couch.

What I miss: Nothing really this week

Cravings: Vitamin Water. Grapes, and strawberries, and smoothies

Weight: NONE lost this week!!! And I gained a pound!!!

Symptoms: Nausea is getting better, praising God for that. Starting to feel a little congested but I am not sure if it is pregnancy related or allergy related. I have also started having lots of anxiety this week, and have been so fearful that things are wrong, or that they will go wrong.

Best Moment this week: Having the ultrasound and realizing that the baby was growing ok. I feel slightly relived but am still so anxious. I am hoping after they do the ultrasound of the heart that I will feel better.

Fear

I can't even begin to wrap my head around the fear that I am experiencing this week. I don't feel the baby moving, I haven't gained any weight. I really don't have any pregnancy symptoms anymore. At least when I was constantly nauseous I knew that all was ok. WIth both Sam and Sophia I had so many complications that I had multiple ultrasounds by now, the fact that at 15 weeks they still had a TERRIBLE time finding the heart beat makes me so scared. I am praying that the ultrasound on thursday is good and that things go smoothly.
Trying to trust and not be afraid....

Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.